Living dead - כמוני

TheUnwanted · 2020-07-16T23:50:57+03:00

What is the opposite of being buried alive? Hanging around life while being dead inside? I feel like I’ve already perished long ago. I walk and talk, but I’m nothing more than a ghost of the person I was supposed to grow up to be. My words cannot express not even a fraction of the formless chaos I am experiencing inside. Since I find no way of describing it, not even to myself, I start to doubt if it is even real. It feels real. Trying to focus on reality is very confusing, because from this perspective, compered to many others, I’m almost perfectly fine. So why don’t I feel perfectly fine? Why do I feel so distressed? And depressed? Seems like everything I need is within reach but on my way to get it I’ve exhausted myself, and collected too many wounds, until eventually I’ve collapsed, a short moment before it was all mine. The life I craved so badly, the future I wanted, I can see it dimly flickering behind my half closed eyelids, knowing It is too late for me now. I won’t ever be able to touch it.